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high key

the lowest of vibrations in the highest of resolutions
i’ve fucked my way through most of my solutions
if it’s been proven that you can disconnect
while you look in their eyes i could submit
an essay or two cause what i’ve been through
it would be easy to unpack it all and write a bit
get myself off mentally and wax academic
so they can pat my back and tell me it was worth it
selling trauma for validation is in fact a sport kid
if i’ve learned anything it’s that i’m incredibly patient
i don’t need you to see me and i haven’t been waiting
i’ve scraped my insides to impress those who aren’t impressive
cause i’ve seen what they’re impressed by and it’s not impressive
so pardon my lack of expression
subtle confessions have become lessons
what i’ve surmised though i’m not surprised
is the truth lies directly in these men’s eyes
the side effects of depression when you have an erection
should not be to stress them
cause they won’t make you feel more so or less than
that’s really not on them
but they’ll make you compete to believe it
cause you too are a canvas to receive shit
i make sure to know exactly what demons i bring in
we all schemin and i know what i believe in
feb, 2020

solitary refinement

being alone magnifies fractures
theres shit that caught up to me that i wasn’t looking after

a disaster
outdoors and in my head
if i’m the only one who hears the words i’ve said
in the past six months am i not dead?
is this what they call dread?
a heavy feeling of pushing on your chest
i’m not ready to watch all this death
it scares me a little bit preparing my head
that they would smile and blame us instead
i’ve said
things to myself that i wont repeat
i’ve run away from this feeling but its time we meet
how sweet
is the sound of my own tears
i have presented myself with all my fears
oh dear
i’m not scared anymore
i can feel it leaking out of my toes
i’ve become bold
i feel it
i’m never gonna be someone who isn’t afraid to hear it
i’m shaking
may, 2020

meal prep

i was under the impression that i learned my lesson
until i manifested another transgression
on my behalf and those among us
i think i take on way too much
cause i see in your eyes you didnt expect my expectations
and i’m still basking in the audacity of yours
this is what they don’t prepare us for
navigating eggshells that are in fact minefields
on which i can’t help but dance
cause i’ve opened myself to another who didn’t stand a chance
when a question becomes a joust
and suddenly i’m your bully and your father
i told you you weren’t ready for this conversation but you wanted to poke farther
i don’t have a chill button and the last breath is mine
i told you i was intense from jump
why the fuck did you think i was lying
i play chess while holding my breath
you should expect nothing less than a nigga whose stressed
with my whole chest i told you to say less
but you took it upon yourself to cook so ingest

sep, 2019